Religious Love That Isn't Really Love - Fear-Based Love

Religious Love That Isn’t Really Love Pt. 1

Fear-Based Love:

Sometimes, the words “I love you” come with an invisible leash.

Spoken with a smile, but weighted with unspoken terms.

Many have heard those words in church, in friendship, in leadership-

But they didn’t feel safe.

They felt watched. Judged. On edge.

Like love was there… until it wasn’t...

That’s not what love is supposed to feel like.

That’s not the love of the Father.

That’s fear-based love.

The Sound of Fear-Based Love:

“I love you… but only if you agree with me.”

“I love you… if you stay submitted to us.”

“I love you… but if you question me, I’ll withdraw.”

“God loves you… but be careful.”

"I'm only speaking the truth in love"

Is it really the truth in love - absolutely not because real, genuine love of the Father is not the motive.

It dresses itself up in concern, in discipline, even in scripture.

But beneath the surface is fear.

Not reverence—fear.

Not love—control.

And many of us, unfortunately, were taught that this is what God is like.

Where It Comes From:

Fear-based love doesn’t begin with the Father.

It begins with people who are still afraid themselves.

Afraid of missing it.

Afraid of being wrong.

Afraid of others’ freedom.

Afraid that if they don’t keep control, things will fall apart.

So instead of pouring out the love they’ve received,

they project the fear they’ve internalized.

And call it “love.”

But love doesn’t demand compliance.

It invites relationship.

The Real Thing:

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”

- 1 John 4:18

The love of God doesn’t carry conditions.

It doesn’t sit in the corner with crossed arms, waiting to be impressed or waiting for you to do something wrong.

It doesn’t tighten its grip when you start to wander, or when you go on a different path it doesn't understand.

God’s love says:

“You are Mine.

I knew you’d struggle, and I came anyway.

I’m not intimidated by your questions.

I’m not here to control you - I’m here to walk with you.

I’m not going anywhere.”

If You’ve Been Wounded by Fear-Based Love:

You’re not imagining it.

It wasn’t your fault.

And it wasn’t God.

If love made you afraid to be honest,

If “correction” came without care,

If “discipline” left you ashamed and distant-

That wasn’t the voice of the Father.

That was religion.

Real love restores.

Real love stays.

Real love walks with you through the questions, not away from them.

Real love doesn’t withdraw when you fail—it draws closer.

Real love listens without needing to correct or be right.

Real love doesn’t monitor.

Real love isn’t afraid of your process.

Lastly, real love can only come from Father God, it must be poured into the heart and experienced, it must be lived from, continually connected to. Because real love can only be expressed from someone who's been filled with the real love of the Father. This real love is not intellectual, it has to fill the heart, it has to change the heart before the mind can ever understand it.

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This is the first post in a series uncovering the twisted versions of counterfeit love that religion has created and normalized. Versions that push people away from God, not toward Him. If you’ve ever been hurt by love that felt like control, manipulation, or fear—you'll love this blog series.

Because there is a Beautiful, Perfect Love that looks nothing like religion’s version.

And that Love has a name.

The Father.

Find everything HFD Ministries has to offer here at the link below:

https://holyfiredisciples.com/hfdresourcehub